Silly Stuff

Who Would You Be On a Heist Crew?: An Ocean’s Eleven, The Sting, Gone in 60 Seconds, Crime 101, The Italian Job, Inception, etc. and so on Reflection

How many times a week do you think about pulling off an elaborate heist? Or…wait, is this just me? Nah, that’s impossible. Who doesn’t want to be part of a heist?!! Every great heist movie has the classic getting the team together montage where the main character we’re following in the film is either recruited or recruits the members – each with a particular set of skills – they need to pull off the job. It may be the last job they need to retire…but they rarely do. Heistin’ is too exciting! Looking at the novels and films that lean into this trope, we see regularly recurring roles. So, naturally, when we’re imaging pulling off a heist the next place our minds go (I’m sure you do this, too) is the all-important question of what our role would be. So who would I be on a heist crew? Who would you be on a heist crew? Let’s break it down and compare notes. Maybe we can do a heist together!

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Memories of Crushes Past: Kissing in the Snow

We stood in her driveway in the cold February air, illuminated only by my car’s headlights. I leaned in and kissed her as the snow fell gently around us. Mia was momentarily stunned and then returned the kiss in kind. “I’m sorry,” I said with our heads still close together. “I’ve been thinking about doing that for awhile and the Scrubs quote put you over the top.” “Wow,” she said, smiling at me. Then, “Goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” We were both twenty-five, finally living out a once-upon-a-time high school crush with such a cinematic and romantic kiss! Hallmark eat your heart out. I stumbled upon this magic movie moment I personally lived while recently reading through my journals from 2008…and I had completely forgotten it. Suddenly I was reading my own journals late into the night like a brand new novel, eager to see what happened next! I remembered Mia. I remember our being friends. I remember a strip of photos of us from when the photo booth at the mall was new. But I didn’t remember any budding romance let alone magical moonlight kissing! The whole thing left me reflecting on the role memory plays in our lives…and dying to know what became of this would-be romance with Mia!

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My Most Embarrassing Karaoke Moments

One night, after a particularly emotive karaoke performance of Alanis Morissette’s “You Outta Know,” I had a lovey (and fairly inebriated) woman sit down next to me, place her hands on my shoulders, look deep into my eyes and ask, “Who hurt you?” I said, “Uh, no one.” She replied, “You don’t sing with that much pain without being hurt. Who hurt you? I’m safe. This is a safe place. You can be honest.” I said, “Honestly, I just like to be dramatic and enjoy attention.” That’s why I love karaoke! While I’m cutting the story off here, our conversation went much longer that night. She felt my pain. She wanted to help me heal. But I was just having fun! I think about her often. From a sang-so-high-I-strained-my-throat version of “Livin’ On A Prayer” to dedicating a sexy version of George Michael’s “Faith” to a wedding party that walked in the bar just as I was beginning the song to my a gyrating, moan-heavy, mic-stand-stroking version of the Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself,” I go all in when I do karaoke. And I’m never embarrassed!

Except sometimes I am. These are those stories.

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Is Batman an @$$hole?: The Dark Knight’s Contingency Plans for the Justice League

I’m not being funny. I think about this a lot. Is Batman an asshole? Batman is Bruce Wayne. Batman is a superhero. Batman is a member of the Justice League. Batman is a Gotham City resident. Batman is someone who suffers from unresolved childhood trauma. Batman is someone who does a much better job of coping with his trauma than Spider-Man (as he’s built his Bat Family around him and Spidey insists on doing everything alone). Batman is grumpy. Batman takes everything a wee bit too seriously. Batman is (allegedly) the world’s greatest detective. Batman is prepared. Batman is among the wealthiest 1%. Batman is a father. Batman is a son. But is Batman an asshole? The question is rooted in his contingency plans for the other members of the Justice League.

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The Most HORRIFYING of All M&M’S Commercials and Other Reflections

You know those ads before the movies? You get reminded cold, refreshing Diet Coke is in the lobby alongside all the Noovie trivia and tips care of Maria Menounos. But then there are the straight ads you’d find on TV. As someone who goes to the movies a lot (but like a healthy amount (it’s not crazy or anything (you have the problem))), I can tell you those ads work. In fact, sitting in the dark with them playing on a GIANT SCREEN where all you can do is watch them (unless you’re an asshole who is on your phone (which I’m not so I’m not)), I find you reflect on these ads faaaar more deeply than you ever would watching TV at home. This deep, pre-movie contemplation is what led me to recoil in sheer dread at THE MOST HORRIFYING OF ALL M&M’S COMMERCIALS (and other reflections). Am I overthinking it? Or is THE HORROR REAL?? You, dear reader, must be the judge…

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For Whom Applebee’s Tolls

In the days before the pandemic came and lockdowns followed, Kalie and I went to Applebee’s for lunch.  A shocking series of events unfolded there, the ramifications of which I am still trying to come to terms with.  It has taken me so long to share this story here because it led to a harrowing inner journey which caused me to question the very fabric of who I am.  Also, we don’t eat at Applebee’s a lot so I waited until we went back to get that picture of myself in a booth for the featured image.  But mostly the harrowing inner journey thing!  What happened?  Why does Applebee’s haunt me?  Come along dear reader, if you’re brave enough, and I shall tell you the tale.  Though fair warning, this story is not for the faint of heart.  If somebody said it was a happy little tale…if somebody told you I had an average ordinary day without a care in the world…somebody lied.

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My Must-See Christmas Movies and Holiday Viewing Traditions

When I was a kid, in the days of VHS and network TV, I couldn’t wait for Christmas specials to hit the airwaves!  But in the pre-streaming age, it meant vigilance.  My brother and I would comb the TV Guide each week looking for where and when any Christmas specials aired.  It was as exciting as it was intense.  Because if you missed it, you were out of luck until next year!  There was no streaming it whenever.  There wasn’t even a handy DVD boxset of holiday favorites.  It was catch it live, think to tape it for later, or wait until the next year rolled around.  I still remember the pang of loss when we missed Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer one year.  It was on the week of Thanksgiving!  Thanksgiving!  Who would check then?!?  It was madness!  Sorting my holiday viewing is much easier now, though I still take it as seriously.  So I want to chat about my holiday viewing traditions and why certain Christmas movies are so special I must see them every year.  Come along, dear reader, if you’re curious.  And I’d love to know your favorites, too!  It’s only December 11th so I may add your suggestions to my viewing!

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Five Times the Movie or TV Show Was Better Than the Book

I remember seeing Joe Wright’s 2007 adaptation of Ian McEwan’s 2001 novel Atonement, starring Kiera Knightley and James McAvoy.  I was one of exactly four people in our theatre.  After the film, I found myself chatting (some may even say lightly flirting) with two young women who were also in our sparsely populated screening.  When I asked the obligatory question – “How do you think it compares to the book?” – one said, “I never read it,” while the other said, “I started it but found it boring so I stopped.”  My budding romantic interest found itself quickly nipped.  Now if forty-two-year-old Michael could go back and chat with twenty-five-year-old Michael, I’d tell him not to be such a pretentious a-hole.  But such is the persnickety nature of youth.  Thankfully I outgrew such a limited worldview on both people and art.  Plus, as scandalous as it may sound to some, I’ve learned sometimes the movie or TV adaptation of a book is better.  So here are five times I found the movie or show better than the book!  For funsies, I’ve arranged the list to countdown to the one I think would most upset fans of the novel in question ;D.

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Life Lessons I Learned from Calvin and Hobbes Vol. 2

A few months back, I did a piece about life lessons I learned from reading Calvin and Hobbes as a kid.  I began rereading The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, the hardcover collection of the entire series released in 2005, and based the post on strips from Book One: 1986-88.  For as much as I talk about superhero comics here, I spent as much of my youth reading newspaper comics like Garfield, The Far Side, Foxtrot, and Zits.  They filled my youth and shaped who I am, too.  Today felt like a good day to curl up on the couch and dive back into the simple pleasures of childhood so, with that in mind, I returned to The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.  This piece will draw strips (and accompanying life lessons ;D) from Book Two: 1988-92.  As per last time, it will be impossible to “rank” these in any way, shape, or form so I’m just going to talk about the strips in chronological order.  

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Life Lessons I Learned from Calvin & Hobbes

My earliest vision for this site was a place to explore my love of comics and superhero stories…and I’ve certainly done that over the years XD.  But for allllllll the comic pieces I’ve written, I’ve never talked about comic strips, which held just as prominent a place in my heart when I was a kid!  I still have my beloved collections of Garfield, The Far Side, Foxtrot, and Zits sitting on my shelf, many with the covers long since curled, bindings frayed, and pages loose from countless rereads.  I lived in those books for years and years and they still make me smile with warm memories today.  Of them all, Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes holds a special place.  Thinking about Calvin & Hobbes makes me smile and laugh but it also still feels…magical.  So, as today’s my birthday (yay!), I thought it would be fun to go back and reread some Calvin & Hobbes (the first time I’ve revisited it in years) and celebrate the life lessons it taught which stayed with me over the years.

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