Ghosting Isn't the 'Right' Choice: Finding Better Ways to Navigate Political Differences

Your hairstylist just shared a political post that made your blood boil. 

The online advice? "Ghost them." 

But what if there's a more powerful alternative that could actually make a difference in our divided world?

Recently, I've noticed a concerning trend in how we handle differences of political opinion with the service providers in our lives—our hairstylists, massage therapists, dental hygienists, and others with whom we've built relationships over time. The prevailing advice I see in online groups and forums is simple: just ghost them. Stop scheduling appointments, don't return their messages, and find someone new whose politics align with yours.

While I understand the impulse, I want to challenge the notion that ghosting is the "right" or only choice.

As someone who has spent decades teaching people how to shift our conversations to increase connection and create new possibilities, I know that we have other options—ones that might even create ripples of positive change in our divided society.

The Ease of Avoidance

It's undeniably easier to simply disappear than to engage in a potentially uncomfortable conversation. Just this weekend I saw a post in an online community where someone was asking for advice on how to share with their longtime hairdresser that they would be going elsewhere because of their political views. The comments section was filled with variations of the same advice:

"Just find a new stylist." "No need to explain, just stop going." "Block them on social media and move on."

This advice comes from a place of self-protection, and I honor that. Political differences today often feel deeper than mere policy disagreements—they can feel like fundamental divergences in values and morality. The emotional labor of explaining your departure may seem overwhelming.

The Cost of Collective Ghosting

But what happens when ghosting becomes our default response to political differences?

We reinforce the silos that already divide our society. We miss out on opportunities for growth—both our own and others. And we contribute to a culture where avoidance replaces engagement.

My decades as a Transformational Coach have taught me this: Very often, the conversations we want to avoid are the ones with the greatest potential for breakthroughs. But when we choose to engage thoughtfully rather than disappear, we create new possibilities that ghosting cannot.

A Third Path: The Transformational Approach

Transformational conversations offer a different way forward. These aren't debates aimed at changing someone's mind, nor are they confrontations designed to shame or blame. Instead, they're grounded in the dispositions of a Transformational Coach: compassion, curiosity, courage, humility, and trust.

Here's what this might look like in practice:

1. Get Clear on Your Purpose

Before initiating any conversation, ask yourself: What outcome am I hoping for?

Spoiler alert: If your goal is to "prove them wrong" or shame them about their views, a conversation is unlikely to be the right choice.

But if your purpose is to:

• Honor the relationship
• Explain your decision in a way that creates understanding
• Share the impact of their views
• Model respectful dialogue

Then a conversation might be valuable.

2. Use "I" Statements and Focus on Impact

Don't attack beliefs. Instead, share the impact those beliefs have on you or the communities you care about. For example:

"It's really important for me to work with service providers whose values align with my well-being. I've really appreciated working with you these past three years, but given your support for Policy X which [impact on you/communities you care about], I've decided to take my business elsewhere."

This approach clearly states your position while avoiding accusation.

3. Offer a Bridge, Not a Burning Path

Even when ending a professional relationship, you can leave a door open for future growth:

"I don't expect you to change your views for my business, but since I've valued our relationship I wanted to let you know my reasons for finding a new provider rather than simply disappearing."

Sample Language for Different Scenarios

For Long-term Relationships:

"Hi Sarah, I wanted to have a conversation rather than just stop scheduling appointments. I've valued your services over the years, but I recently saw your posts supporting Candidate X. Their policies on [specific issue] directly impact [what matters to you– for example: my family's well-being], and I've made the decision to work with service providers whose values better align with mine on these issues that deeply affect me."

For Newer Relationships:

"I appreciate the service you provided last month. Before booking again, I wanted to share that I noticed your public support for Policy Y. Since this policy directly contradicts values that are core to my identity, I'll be finding another provider. I wanted to explain rather than simply not return, as I believe in transparent communication."

When You're Open to Dialogue:

"I noticed your post about Issue Z and was surprised given our previous conversations. I'm struggling with continuing our professional relationship given what you shared. Would you be open to sharing more about your perspective? I'd like to understand before making a decision about future appointments."

There Is No Single Right Choice

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to these situations.

Sometimes, ghosting might be the safest or healthiest option, particularly if:

• You have reason to believe the conversation could lead to harassment
• The power dynamics make direct communication risky
• You're emotionally depleted and lack the capacity for difficult dialogue
• The relationship wasn't significant enough to warrant a conversation

My point isn't that you should never ghost—it's that we shouldn't treat ghosting as the default "right" choice in all situations.

The Courage to Engage

Transformational conversations require courage. They ask us to be vulnerable, to risk discomfort, and to step into spaces where we don't control the outcome.

They also offer something ghosting never can: the possibility of growth, understanding, and modeling a different way of navigating our divided world.

The next time you discover a political difference with someone providing services in your life, I invite you to pause before automatically ghosting. Ask yourself: Is there an opportunity here for a conversation that honors both my boundaries and our shared humanity? The answer won't always be yes, but when it is, you might be surprised by what becomes possible.

Elena Aguilar is an educator, coach, and author focused on transformational leadership and building resilient communities. Her work explores how we can communicate across differences to create more just and equitable spaces.